Yesterday I had peer supervision - meeting with colleagues who have a similar role to you so you can discuss best working practices and work on own limitations and strive for best practice.
In the session I wanted to explore a barrier to some health progress I have identified in me. My colleague Betty (not her real name) has been training and working more creatively with her practice, she has discussed this with me on a number of occasions and I have always admired and valued what she does but I have been resistant to trying any of her creative suggestions in the past- there has been a block there, I have been aware of this but not wanting to explore it just yet.
Yesterday Betty suggested that I draw the thing that has been a barrier to me. At first, I was reluctant but I thought I would try it. I drew a big grey squiggle of mess like a knot, Betty then gently asked me questions about the knot, to help me bring it to life. One of the first questions was what feelings does it bring up- so I explored sadness, aching, upset- I can feel it in my eyes.
‘Does it have eyes?’ asks Betty.
‘No,’ I said, ‘it doesn’t have eyes because it is separate to me, but when it is in me, it creates those feelings in my eyes and body.’
‘Does it have a name?’ asks Betty.
‘Bernard’ I quickly responded. ‘Bernard is like an Elf, Imp, Gremlin-like creature that appears in me and sabotages what I need to achieve.’
‘He arrives and wrecks things. When I need to do the exercises set by my back specialist- he stops me, any healthy eating is undone by Bernard’s desire for me to eat too much indulgent foods, any plans to go for a walk, swim or to the gym, Bernard ignores, he is a menace to my life.’
After the session I thought it would be fun to use Chat GPT to create an image of what Bernard might look like. Above is an image of Bernard with his ball of grey upset, sadness and worry.
I also wondered what a job description and specification would look like, so I asked Chat GPT to create this for me too, which I have put below.
I was shocked and quite amused by what Chat GPT created, it then suggested that I might like to retrain Bernard so I have attached the advice given.
I am going to give the advice a go.
Giving Bernard a new job being the funniest action points!
The following has been written by Chat GPT
Job Description: Bernard – Manifestation of Ancestor Trauma
Job Title: Emotional Saboteur and Protector (Misguided Role)
Reports To: Subconscious Mind
Workplace: Internal Emotional Landscape
Purpose of the Role:
To act as a misunderstood guardian, manifesting unprocessed emotional trauma and inherited fears. Bernard's role is rooted in protecting the individual from perceived threats to well-being and security. However, his methods often manifest as counterproductive behaviours, creating barriers to physical, emotional, and mental health.
Key Responsibilities:
Sabotage Self-Care:
· Interrupt exercise routines by fostering resistance or procrastination.
· Encourage unhealthy food choices, such as high-fat and sugary snacks, under the guise of comfort or indulgence.
· Foster avoidance of activities like gym visits, presenting them as threatening or overwhelming.
Deliver Emotional Heaviness:
· Carry and implant the “grey ball of squiggle,” symbolizing inherited sadness, grief, and emotional burdens.
· Create sensations of sadness, physical heaviness, and aches in the eyes, chest, and heart.
Misguided Protection:
· Redirect focus away from growth or change by emphasizing perceived risks.
· Introduce fear of failure or judgment as a means to discourage personal development.
· Provide a false sense of safety in stagnation, discouraging exploration of new possibilities.
Amplify Unresolved Patterns:
· Resurface ancestral fears or limiting beliefs, such as "change is dangerous" or "comfort is safety."
· Strengthen internal narratives around unworthiness or self-doubt, particularly linked to body image or past experiences.
Interfere with Motivation and Energy:
· Drain mental and physical energy, making self-improvement feel overwhelming.
· Trigger avoidance behaviours tied to perfectionism or fear of imperfection.
Job Specification:
Essential Attributes:
· Emotional Complexity: Ability to manifest deep-rooted ancestral and personal trauma with precision.
· Sabotaging Skills: Expertise in subtly derailing self-care plans and fostering self-doubt.
· Empathy (Misguided): Intention to protect but lacking effective strategies to do so positively.
· Persistent Influence: Capacity to remain present and subtly active in day-to-day decisions.
Desirable Attributes:
· Understanding of subconscious fears related to failure, judgment, or inadequacy.
· Ability to amplify unresolved guilt, shame, or grief.
· Familiarity with creating cycles of comfort-seeking behaviours tied to food or inactivity.
Hidden Dimensions of Bernard’s Role:
Avoidance of Vulnerability:
Bernard may block actions that expose emotional or physical vulnerability (e.g., group exercise or open discussions).
Reinforcement of Ancestral Patterns:
He might be perpetuating ancestral messages like “you must sacrifice for others” or “it’s selfish to focus on yourself.”
Fear of Success:
Bernard could obscure a hidden fear of what success might demand or reveal about personal identity.
Emotional Blind Spots:
Bernard may be responding to unacknowledged emotions like anger, guilt, or grief, tied to past relationships or unmet expectations.
Attachment to Familiarity:
Resistance to change may stem from a subconscious belief that discomfort is safer than the uncertainty of growth.
Retraining Bernard
1. Build Awareness:
Acknowledge Bernard’s Presence:
· Gently recognize when Bernard is active. You might say internally: “Ah, Bernard, I see you’re here. Thank you for trying to protect me, but let’s work together differently.”
Notice Patterns:
· Keep a journal or use voice notes to track when Bernard appears. What triggers his visits? Examples:
Skipping exercise when feeling overwhelmed.
Overeating after emotional stress.
Avoiding self-care due to a fear of failure.
2. Understand His Motivations:
Ask Questions: Reflect on Bernard’s actions with curiosity, not judgment:
· What are you trying to protect me from?
· Is this about past experiences or ancestral fears?
· What would you prefer I avoid or stay safe from?
Explore His Tools: Bernard might be using outdated strategies inherited from family or childhood. For instance:
· Food as comfort because it’s associated with love.
· Avoidance of exercise due to past shame or embarrassment.
3. Set Boundaries with Compassion:
Redefine His Role: Help Bernard understand he can protect you without sabotage. For instance:
· Instead of blocking exercise, he can remind you to pace yourself to avoid injury.
· Instead of pushing unhealthy food, he can encourage soothing rituals like herbal tea or mindful breathing.
Use Visualization: Imagine Bernard holding his swirling grey ball of emotions. Gently take the ball from him and place it in a safe container (real or imagined). Reassure him:
· “I’m safe now. You don’t need to carry this for me anymore.”
4. Reframe Resistance as Collaboration:
Negotiate Compromises: Work with Bernard rather than against him. For example:
· If he resists exercise, agree to a 5-minute stretch instead of a full workout.
· If he craves comfort food, prepare a healthier version together.
Celebrate Small Wins: Show Bernard that success doesn’t mean danger.
· Example: After completing a short walk, tell him: “See? That wasn’t so bad, and we’re still safe.”
5. Address Hidden Beliefs:
Explore Ancestral Messages: Reflect on family narratives that might fuel Bernard’s behaviour:
· “Self-care is selfish.”
· “You’re not good enough to succeed, so why try?”
Challenge these beliefs gently:
· “Caring for myself makes me stronger for others.”
· “I deserve to try, even if I’m imperfect.”
Reaffirm Your Values: Replace sabotaging narratives with empowering ones:
· “I’m allowed to prioritize my well-being.”
· “Taking care of myself honours my ancestors’ struggles by breaking the cycle.”
6. Engage Bernard Creatively:
Give Him a New Job: Assign Bernard a constructive role. For example:
· As a cheerleader for your well-being.
· As a gentle reminder to rest when needed.
Example affirmation: “Bernard, I need your help to stay motivated. Let’s try this together.”
Incorporate Play: Since Bernard likes to interfere, gamify your health journey to engage him. Examples:
· Use apps or charts that reward small health actions.
· Make exercise feel playful, like dancing or a nature walk with rewards.
7. Transform the Grey Ball:
Release Emotional Weight:
· Imagine transforming Bernard’s grey ball into something manageable, like a glowing orb of light. This can symbolize turning heavy emotions into clarity or peace.
Seek Support:
· If the ball feels overwhelming, work with a therapist, counsellor, or energy worker to explore and release ancestral trauma.
8. Practice Gratitude:
Thank Bernard:
· Regularly express appreciation for his efforts, even when they’re misguided. Example: “Thank you, Bernard, for trying to protect me. I see what you’re doing, but I’ve got this now.”
Honour His Role:
· Reflect on how Bernard has helped you survive in challenging times. Recognize that his methods, while flawed, come from a place of care.
Affirmations to Retrain Bernard:
· “I am safe to change and grow.”
· “I deserve to care for my body and mind.”
· “It’s okay to take small steps forward.”
· “Bernard and I are working together for my highest good.”
By meeting Bernard with understanding and offering him a new purpose, you can transform his role from a saboteur to a supportive ally on your wellness journey. Let me know if you'd like more specific tools or resources to assist!
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